4th Class Creative Writing

October 23, 2010

This is a selection of Creative Writing from this year’s 4th Class, completed during the first term. They include snippets  from a poem criticising our boring news bulletins, a parent and  teacher arguing about classroom behaviour, a warning about escaped pets who pose a threat, and an advertisement for a clown.

These were written as a creative response to classroom poems and to fiction extracts featured on the syllabus. There are no children’s names with each piece, but I’m sure they will recognise their own work.

NINE O’CLOCK NEWS

Nine O’ clock News, Nine o’ clock news

All the sad stories, and bad ones as well.

People all quiet, others just roar

Sports stars, ambassadors, celebrities’ and more

Reporters with mobiles standing out in the rain

Telling the weather, wish I was in Spain

Why can’t we just have chicken instead

I’d much rather watch Wallis & Gromit, In the night Garden

Less of this please, this hideous horror

I don’t really care if the election’s tomorrow.

Nine O’ clock News, Nine o’ clock news

All the big stories, and bad ones as well.

People all yelling, instead of just telling

Sports stars and golfers and celebrity deaths

Government ministers making threats

Reporters on mobiles standing out in the rain

Why can’t they get washed right down the drain

Why can’t we just have some fun  instead.

I’d much rather watch movies or films

Less of this please, this huge waste of time

I don’t really care if there’s far too much crime

If the news wasn’t boring, I might watch it instead

If it featured sweets and a clown with no head

If we had news about toys and pop tracks

Not listening to endless traffic tailbacks.

If news could just be even more stupid

I’d watch it if clowns took over or even a monkey

If we had news about food and games

They maybe you’d fin d me watching with glee

But instead it’s just a terrible show

Who cares if Wayne Rooney just broke his big toe.

 

Oh, the Nine o’clock News just gives me the blues

People listen on, though it is quite boring

Others sing a song, I just start snoring

Less of this please, this silly waste of time

I don’t really care is someone’s eaten alive

Pet On The Loose

Extra! Extra! Octopus escapes from young Jimmy Black’s garden. At 2:30 on October 17th, a highly dangerous octopus fled his heartbroken owner. It is highly dangerous and could strangle, warn police. Do not shake hands with it. It was last seen swimming down the Liffey. Jimmy Black is offering a reward: all of his pocket money and football cards.

Last Night, a lion escaped from the boy’s garden. His parents were out for the day, but the boy claims that his 15 year-old sister was with him when he stole it from the zoo earlier in the day, bringing it home in a bag. If you see this lion, call 8436278. The Gardai have set up traps in the area. They hope to trap the animal by feeding him poisoned Coco Pops.

Apparently, a dangerous bear has escaped in town. Gardai advise you to stay out of the area. You can buy traps in the shops. The 18 year old who owns the bear says he is only dangerous when he is angry, though he usually is when he is woken.

An anaconda has been let loose in the area. She has been seen slithering up toilets and hanging around playgrounds. Children are warned to be careful, particularly as some children have lost their arms and legs . Luckily, there have been no serious injuries, and no one has been killed.  The owner, Isadora McMahon says:  “ We were just playing Hide and Seek, and she is such a good hider that I can’t seem to find her.”

Gardai advise people not to be scared, but to just lock all of their doors and windows. If you see her, get a very sharp knife and chop off her tail. That should make it slither away.

Breaking News! Dublin City is one huge mass of worry as the man-eating tiger, Fluffy, escaped from the zoo this morning. Irish Times has an exclusive interview with the zoo keeper:

“She’s quite shy actually. It’s the first time she’s done this. I don’t know what came over her.”

There are 1000 army ants and 1000 fire-ants on the loose. Their nine year-old owner says he kept them in the attic, but sometimes let them out to play. If you are in a toilet, beware. You should try and jump out a window if you see them. The child says: “But, they’re actually very friendly, and tickle my feet.” Gardai advise wearing suitable clothing: a suit of armour.

Letter To Teacher from mother of pupil Tommy Tuttle

M y Tommy is very sad, and started using bad language  because of that Derek Drew he sits beside. I’m really cross that you didn’t listen to my Tommy. Poor Tommy was feeling sick in his stomach. I want to know why you are not dealing with it. You should be sending Derek to detention, or calling in his parents. If you don’t deal with it, I will make sure to cause trouble.

Signed, Tammy Tattle

Dear Tammy,

The reason I never listen to Tommy is that he is a boring tell-tale. Derek is annoying him just to get a reaction. Tell Tommy to stop racting and Derek will stop. I have got Tommy;’s rubber back, you will be glad to know,

Bellatrix Butler, Teacher.

Clown Job Ad

We are currently looking for a clown for our circus. Italian is a requirement, because many of our staff members are Italian. He must also be an acrobat. If you get travel sickness, or have a young family, this wouldn’t be the best job for you, because we travel all over the world. If you can put up a tent, great! You must be over twenty years and have some experience. Our circus is an equal opportunities employer.

Clown CV

Name: Floppy Joe

Address: Whitehall Car- park. Horse-box.

Experience: Used to be a Ronald McDonald outside McDonalds

Education: Trained at Fossett’s Circus for three years.

Qualifications: I was the senior clown at Fossetts and at kids’ parties. My shoe size is twenty, I’m also colour blind. I work well in a team, especially with pies.

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